This is a follow-up to "I am not my Taste".
I just came to a new conclusion. It's a lot more plausible than my previous justification of my temporary irrational behavior. What I was essentially doing was what psychotherapists call "projection". When a person's defensive mechanisms don't let him genuinely feel a certain emotion at a certain occasion, he would provoke others to experience that feeling instead, and only this way would he feel relieved. It's kinda like when you watch your friend play videogames because you can't afford buying a console. It's still better than nothing, and you are temporary distracted from the real problem - earning cash. It's easier to choose the temporary comfort of watching someone else play in the short run.
Being provocative is really about the troll reacting to his own forbidden emotions that he will have evoked in others. That's the whole point of acting like a jerk - to get angry response from people. Because you can't allow yourself to be angry but you need to react to that emotion. Finally, you've had your short-term relief, but you didn't own the anger, so you're still left with a general sense of distaste. That's just one example out of many. I'll never forget the first time I made a person cry on live cam. Seeing that girl weep for me was something so amazing and stimulating. I haven't cried since I was 14. I have forgotten what it feels like.
Here comes the question, though. Many times people over-react to something just because they are hypocritical and they don't want to appear, let's say, cruel, even though their actions prove that they are. Could the act of trolling be both a cry for justice and projection at the same time? Even if the victim is hypocritical or brainwashed, I think their emotions are still genuine. It doesn't matter if they act upon their standards. It's their beliefs that cause their feelings; they certainly believe that they are moral and the troll is evil, so they honestly react to that.
Surely, the act of trolling fits right into the sado-masochistic scenario, and each side gets something out of the relationship. What the masochist gets is to experience the sense of being the witness or the victim of an unjust act. They always feel the need to prove how horrible their life is, so they keep getting themselves into situations that inevitably lead them into harm.
So is it really bad to act like a prick? I would say it's destructive to both parties. It feels really good in the short run, but it leaves the wounds open. I wanna quit that habit and help people realize the harm they're doing to others and mostly to themselves. For a start, I guess it would be a good idea for the trolls like me, to try and associate with their victims' feelings. Try to get under their skin, imagine you are who they are. Fully sympathize. Mirror their body language, match their breathing, try to be like them on a physiological level as much as possible. FEEL what they feel. I'm almost positive that once you really learn how to do that, you'll no longer have the need to provoke tantrum. Well, I'll be the first one to tell you if it worked.
To be continued... inb4 cool story bro.
