Ego Problems

I'll probably stop blogging for a while. I've got some issues that need to be taken care of. Like, I'd always put myself in a situation where people would annoy me. I let them fuck with me and then I blame them. It's fucked up, I'm losing my mind. It's like running on the streets screaming "PUNCH ME IN THE FACE" and then wondering why they punched you. Fucked up shit, I tell you. Thanks to my false-self, I've burnt bridges with people who actually cared about me and respected me for who I am. I needed that punch, and I asked for it. Made me realize how stupid I've become.

I always try to force my creativity because I want every day to be productive. I don't have a "real" job, so I try to make a career out of my art. If a day goes by without me having done anything creative, I feel like a worthless consumer. I just hate being passive cuz it hurts my ego. That ain't right. I mean, who am I proving myself to? Society? Why do I care about contributing to society? I think I've been brainwashed by my parents and relatives. It's time that I take procrastination to a higher level. From now on, I'll stop caring about being productive. Creativity should NOT be forced. It should be the IDEA ITSELF that forces artists to produce shit.

Oh man, my ego is so hard to please. I wish I had the sizzle points to be attractive. I just wanna know that hot preppy girls want me. They're not even my type: meanwhile, I'll be fucking a bunch of bizarre skanks. Hell, just making the hip cunts jealous would make me so happy. That'd be like a "Fuck you" to the motherfucking mainstream. The guys would wanna look like me, and I'd always think of the wackest shit to wear, just to fuck with them (not literally). I'm competitive like that, I wanna be the hottest dude. My PR agent, Vans Vega, made a fitness program for me, and I'm gonna be doing that shit for a while: hardcore physical exercise on a strict diet. Actually, it's not as hard as I thought... it only takes me 3 hours a day.

So yeah, I'll be back, niggas. Citius, Altius, Fortius.

Creepy Foreign Guy

"Eh, don't mind Spratz, he's just that creepy foreign guy on the internet".

Oh yeah? I bet I'm more American than you, motherfucker. But that's not even the point. Why would you even consider my nationality over my intellect? Just because I have a fucking accent you gotta discredit all I have to say. You fucking retard face, I hate you. And what's so creepy about me? I'm a tall European guy, handsome for a man. Shut up, I look NOTHING like an Arab! And if you say big noses ain't sexy, you're a fucking liar. My lips are juicier than those of Angelina Jolie, so don't act like you ain't gay for me, bitch. It's okay, I understand. My eyes are brown, big deal. Blue eyes came about because of random changes in the genes that affect eye color. Hence, blue-eyed people are mutants, and they're actually less healthy than awesome people like me. Who's the weirdo now?

I'm so perfect... I don't get it! I enter the store and everybody's giving me the "you don't belong here" look. Even the fucking Indians. Am I really that different? I can't see it, man... all that negative attention, what causes it? I'm getting too self-conscious about that shit, and I'm no longer confident talking to people. I always use the self-checkout lane to avoid small talk. Sometimes I'm even nervous about talking to my friends on the phone. Cuz once you've been labeled, it's hard to get out of that curse. It's not me who's speaking, it's the foreign dude. It's the weird guy with the bird. You like him but not in THAT way, no way. That would be gross! He's goofy! Well so are Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and all these others gay guys you're so crazy about. All men are goofy, it's not just me, but the fact that I'm also foreign makes you think otherwise.

"If you don't like it here, quit bitching and go back to Shitland, Spratzaman!"

Shut up because you need me, asshole! The fact that you're still reading this proves me right. Take a look around - European faggots rule Hollywood. Without us, you'd be bored as fuck, so pray that I stay, motherfuckers. Cuz if I go away, you're gonna miss me and I ain't gonna miss you back. You like to laugh at my expense and I don't mind that, but you gotta pay for it somehow. Treat me with respect, that's all I'm asking for. I'm a person, stop treating me like an alien.

Remembering Tim Russert

I don't want to remember that fucker! Quit shoving him down my throat! Like people care. You're supposed to talk about Barack Obama's supremacy and his brutal fight with McCain. FIGHT TO THE DEATH! There will be torture, blood-sucking, and beheadings! Why don't you instead show some more baby pandas? Fire your "political" team and join forces with Animal Planet! Monkeys are far more attractive than snobbish people. Or even better, you can make an obituary channel. Now that would be unique! Then you can talk about Tim Russert 24/7 and get away with it. Cable Necrophilia Network and Necrophilia Broadcasting Company... Death sure will raise your ratings, guys!

Talking about the media we have today. I love watching TV because it inspires me to hate. Radio stations are even worse but I simply can't stand a minute of that brainwash. 5 songs get played 20 times a day in between 10 minute blocks of commercials and annoying talk shows with retarded hosts. And that shit can really fuck you up in the head if you're passively listening, which means listening without evaluating the information. In most cases, that's what happens, cuz where else do you get exposed to radio waves but in your car, or at work - places where you're already doing something important, so questioning the things that you hear is not really your priority. After a while, you turn into a predictable consumer, and you won't realize how you would start having a desire for things that you don't really need. Brainwash, motherfucker.

So yeah, I choose watching TV, cuz then you're just sitting on a couch doing nothing else. Leaves you plenty of time for thinking about the shit that you observe. I watch Cartoon Network, FX, Comedy Central, or the Sci-Fi channel. But comedy is evil. Look at all these stand-up comedians that talk about the logical reality. People laugh at that shit. When the show's over they forget everything and they feel better about themselves for a while. This creates the impression that the truth is only a thing we could laugh about because we can never live in a world where logic rules. That's why I prefer the purest form of comedy - stupidity and absurdism. Facts ain't to be laughed at, ignorance is! Look at these pathetic fucks - they're actually laughing at their own stupidity when they hear the sad truth about their lives. Does that really lift their mood, or does it subconsciously depress them even more?

Watch out, Tim Russert's ghost is gonna rape your daughter in the ass!

Food is Wack

Goddammit, food is horrible these days... whatever I put in my mouth feels like poison. It's been one week since I stopped caring about meals. My body weight ain't really my issue, I just don't wanna feel like shit. No matter what I eat, no matter how healthy it is, my body ain't taking chances. Digestion problems, heartburn, headaches, nausea, sleepiness, insomnia, you name it. All of these motherfuckers would take turns FUCKING me in the ass. I used to be a champion eater in my teens. I could eat tons of food and ain't no shit was gonna happen... And before that, when I was a child, my granny used to forcefeed me. I was so skinny that the neighborhood kids would call me "the Auschwitz boy" (still better than my high-school nickname "The Shit"). I was also very energetic; I would always run, climb trees, play soccer, mess with old people, all that kid stuff. When there were no other kids outside, I'd play alone. And look at me now! I'm a wreck... I can't go anywhere on my own cuz I get too self-conscious. I'm stuck at home with no friends and I'm too lazy to exercise because I lack self-motivation.

I don't even feel like playing videogames! It costs money and shit! And it ain't even fun no more cuz the fuckers made games so engaging and competitive. There's always someone better than you who would love to beat your ass at your favorite games. And then you're thinking "I shouldn't feel bad, that guy is probably a fat slob covered in zits"... it turns out he's a hot guy with abs and a cool hairstyle. Then you try to fool yourself "Eh, I can still beat that guy in real life, he looks like a wuss". Wrong again! Turns out the motherfucker took Jiu-Jitsu classes and he'll whoop your ass in no time. I wish I was a champion eater once again. I'd get a comforting cottage pie and eat the shit out of it. No, wait! First I'm gonna pull out my dick and fuck it like there ain't tomorrow, pretending it's that gamer's girlfriend. Let me put on the Food channel first. Oh yes, being fat is comfortable. I wanna be that fat asshole who doesn't give a shit.

Dick: We are what we eat, Sparx!
Me: I no longer eat dicks for breakfast, but apparently you're still on the same diet.

Bitch, please. Anything that makes you feel good and energized is good for you. No matter how dangerous people say it might be, every person's health is unique, so if it works for you, fuck what your friends say. And don't worry about that BMI horse shit. Some people are actually healthier when they're "overweight", others feel perfect when they're "underweight". I hate doctors, don't ever trust those criminals cuz they'll fuck you up. Be your own doctor; you know best what works for you. See, this is the kind of thinking that destroyed my teeth. This is an old article and it's full of self-justifications for destructive behavior. Be careful what you eat. Don't take my stupid advice, or you'll end up like me - I can't even chew hard food.

Internet Communication

Let's say you're a sick fuck who enjoys jacking off to violence and rape. What are the chances you find a like-minded person on AIM / MSN / Skype? And what are the odds they would be from your area? You simply can't meet new people using those limited "secure" instant messengers; there are no places to go... What would have happened on IRC? First, you choose a server that's in your area, you connect, and then you enter your keyword "gore" in the channel search bar. Let's say you join the #goregrind chat room. Plenty of sick fucks are gonna welcome you there, and the chances are, many would be willing to trade pornography with you! Some might even wanna mail you a dead corpse of their daughter! I didn't write that.

See, you can't do that kind of networking using private messengers' chat rooms - there is no way of listing them, they are all temporary, and you have no idea if there are gonna be Americans or people from Zimbabwe in there. MySpace networking works if you wanna find a pretentious asshole who doesn't even allow messaging unless you're his friend. People don't realize how limited cyberspace communcation has become, instead of expanding. They choose to surround themselves with boring motherfuckers they're already sick of. Then what's the point of the internet? I say, if you wanna talk to your friends, fucking meet them in person, don't use technology, unless they're miles away from you... It's crazy... Big business wants to narrow down our relationships so that we become less sociable, and better working units. Fuck MySpace, and fuck FaceBook, it's all fake bullshit.

And it's not only finding new people that's important. What happened to group chats? Why is everyone afraid of exposing their opinion to more than one person? I think it's because of the so-called Stroking system. When you people talk to someone, you tend to adjust your attitude and opinions to those of your companion. You compromise your point of view and you stroke your friend and he strokes you back... You're afraid of confrontation and that's why you avoid talking in public. You like discussing people in their absence, but once they enter the room, you're too afraid to speak up. What happened to honesty? We CAN afford a little bit of honesty, you know, just for the sake of stating our differences and showing our uniqueness as individuals. Who needs fake friends anyway? You can have tons of those, but do they serve you a real purpose? Are they mutually beneficial in any other than the circle-jerk way? Think about it. Like Kurt Cobain used to say, it's better to be hated for who you are rather than loved for who you're not.

Time to Grow up

Faggot: "It's time for you to grow up!"
Spratzaman: "Are you talking to my penis?"

Anyone who is immature enough to tell you what you should be doing deserves to be dickslapped. You carefully pull out your genitalia and you gently place it on their forehead. The chances are they're gonna like it. Well, another thing you could do instead, of course, is asking them what "growing up" really means to them. To me, it means becoming a person who would take responsibility for his own actions. It has nothing to do with behavior or a lifestyle. You can act like an idiot, play videogames, collect action figures, or even play doctor with little girls, and that wouldn't make you less of an adult, as long as you can rationally comprehend your actions, and you expect what kind of outcome they could produce - e.g. spending time in jail - and trust me, nobody would mistaken you for a kid, once you're in court facing child molestation charges.

My point here is that someone being unemployed does NOT make them immature. In fact, they might as well end up being more reasonable than most adults who force themselves to conform in order to get a shitty job. What happens next - most get stuck at life, their personal morality gets distorted, and they lose touch of who they really are. Frustration follows: lack of emotions, except for a strong feeling of emptiness. So they decide to switch jobs, get a promotion, get married, or whatever. But they no longer know what they want, because most of them get lost. So no matter how much money they earn, they still remain unhappy. So now they acknowledge that they have a mental problem and they decide they should get some professional help, which later leads to drugs, because the market always screams at us: "FEELING DEPRESSED? BUY DRUGS! THEY WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN!" These mature people end up being lifeless sacks of shit. Walking corpses running on drug gas. Way to be an adult, asshole! And you still think you're better than me? Bruce Campbell would not agree. Bring in the chainsaw, dude! There's more coming!

Well, okay, let's say that a small percentage of the greyfaces actually found happiness in what they were doing, which is possible if you show up in the right place at the right time - thanks to randomness. So these successful people get all cocky about it, and most of them have the perception that you should be doing whatever they're doing if you want to not suck at life, and they're all like "LOOK AT ME, I MADE IT! I AM A GREAT EXAMPLE AND A ROLE-MODEL FOR YOU, SO DO WHAT I TELL YOU, OR ELSE YOU ARE IMMATURE AND STUBBORN!" So a lot of dumb motherfuckers fool themselves and buy that shit, convinced that it's the right thing to do, and most of them end up like the zombies I mentioned in my first example. And this shit happens because they don't realize each person's happiness lies within, and it's unique for everyone. One might find it in being a stock broker, while another might find it in raping grandmothers and fucking dead corpses.

We can't judge our inner desires, for they give us the will and purpose to live. Consider the risk and do it, live your life to the fullest! That's what growing up should be about. Don't let the greyfaces win, they are all brainwashed weaklings. Next time someone tries to make you feel bad about procrastinating, make sure to show them the balls you have for doing it, or in other words, tea-bag them. I hate single words hanging on a new line, so that's why I wrote this last sentence.