I am Not my Taste

I like to think that I'm a logical human being and I strongly value rationality. Judging from some of my actions, though, you would never believe this to be true, especially if you don't know me well enough. And I can totally understand that now. It all comes from my appreciation of the artistic value of irrational behaviors. One might think that I value irrationality itself. I don't. When I am me, when I'm out of character, I would always try my best to think objectively and logically. So why is it that I do these weird things then?

What's so artistic about being crazy? It simply is. Art is all about subjective experience, and crazy people have the most original and colorful stories to tell. Art is artificial, and so are these people. They have lost touch with their true selves, and that loss makes them actors for life. Yes, I was one of those people once, when "everything was just a movie". That's when I started attracting parasites to me. Maybe they mistaken me for one of them, or maybe they just saw me as a host. My role-models were in fact antagonistic to my true values. Because I wanted to amuse myself the same way they amused me. I wanted to become the circus freaks that made me laugh so hard. I hadn't yet realized that laughter is often the product of condescension. It's the good feeling you get when you know you're not like them. I was contradicting my true emotions. And having become a laughing stock, it didn't feel that funny. I was wondering why people didn't give me the respect that I deserve. Well, it's because they didn't have respect for themselves. While I was trying to be one of them, I was still aware of what's going on, and most of them were completely lost.

Back to the antagonistic role-models. My so-called "heroes". The artists that I like to emulate. I don't really wanna be like them, and my dignity would never allow me to do the dirty things they did. Emulation is temporary and not fundamental. I'm just playing. I'm testing people's responses. I'm testing my own boundaries. I'm being genuinely curious, exploring the different aspects of one's behavior. It makes me happy when people respond to my irrational character in a shocking manner. That's the best part of it. Getting a response from the audience. I guess seeing an angry person who freely expresses their feelings of disgust make me feel better about society. Not because what provoked their shock deserved such a reaction, but mostly because I can see the audience becoming emotional. Remember the movie Equilibrium? I believe we are already living in such a world.

In conclusion, there are people who actually value irrational behavior, not its artistic content. It seems like I share their taste in music and their sense of humor. That's why I was always surrounded by such horrible misfortunes. And that's why rational people mistaken me for such a failure and distance themselves from me. I am not my taste and my taste is what I'm not.

Having Sex is Lame

According to a recent scientific study at a Harvard institute, "having sex" is the lamest term for intercourse. followed by "sleep with" and "get laid". People even prefer "making love" compared to the latter. "Seriously dude, that shit makes me cringe", says Professor Cheese from Harvard University, "We see so many commercials on TV that mention these words and get away with it, leaving our kids mentally distressed and cringed. This is an equivalent of emotional sexual abuse". Studies do show that children question the terms in their heads and are left generally confused as to "what is sex" and "how is it had". Can you imagine what is going on in their minds? "Is sex like a cake? Is it tasty? Why do people want it so much? Why do especially couples want it? How come I don't know about something that everybody else wants and obviously enjoys immensely? I may be a bad boy because mom and dad never give me sex." Another example of such confusion: "What's the big deal if a man and a woman sleep together in one bed? Why is this so important to adults? Why do they fight over it?" Imagine children's frustration, for crying out loud! What's so bad about using "fuck"? At least kids would know it's an adult thing separate from a cake or sleeping in one bed with another person.

And this shit is not only happening on TV, and it's not only a cheap trick to get away with talking about fucking on air. Shit goes on in our personal lives, too. I see adults talking about "having sex" or "getting laid". What the fuck are you talking about, man? Did you bang her? Did you bone her? Did you do her? Did you hit it? "No man, we had sex! You've gotta be politically correct! Such language is disrespectful to women!" Come on, we all know women are dirtier than men. But they refer to it as "sleeping" and they'd go crazy with "insomnia". Go get some sleeping pills, girl, cuz I can see your twat speaking. Why would one use a much longer and less efficient synonym when you have a verb specifically engineered to represent the act of intercourse. It drives me out of my skin and it always makes me cringe to see people try to make sex conversations appear less explicit. Like in that show Scrubs. Ugh, it makes me feel so icky. Fucking hospital shows, always based on sexual relationships.

I think I might have been sexually abused as a child because I'm having a hunch that what I'm saying is not at all an objective statement and these things perhaps shouldn't make me feel that angry. But I think it's mainly because casual sex is against my values, although I tried to make it appear is if it weren't, in the past. It infuriates me how most relationships are not based on virtue, but rather on lust and the desire to be in control. I'm curious of what you might be thinking on that issue.

Suze Orman Can Eat Shit

Don't you point your finger at me, Suze Orman. Don't you point that poopy finger from the TV screen telling me what I should be doing, shit for brains. You arrogant twat, who do you think you are? I was so glad that the bailout plan got rejected and look at all the media going crazy over it. Guess what, I don't give a shit about the credit debt. I've never used a credit card and I never will. I have integrity, unlike other people. Americans can learn to live without credit, they're good people for the most part. What the media suggests is that we take more credit and pile it up in a shit mountain where Suze Orman can take her daily baths. Not to mention that out of those billion dollars, much will end up in the politicians' pockets, because money will have to be spent on bureaucracy and other made-up services. And where do they get that money from - the taxpayer. Would you rather pay more taxes or live with what you got and refuse to use credit services? The bailout plan would raise your taxes, you're gonna end up with less money, and then you're gonna need more credit if you want to keep living the same standards. So what's the point?

The media is so aggressively advocating the bailout plan that I'm almost sure it'll pass next time they're voting. I urge you to spread awareness. This is ridiculous. Instead of talking about the real problems, they're connecting the financial crisis to McCain's leadership issues. They're implying that whatever a person with an authoritative rank says must be true. "THE REPUBLICANS ARE IMMORAL. THEY DISAGREED WITH WHAT THEIR MASTER SAID". And that's coming from the liberals. It's clear that both wings support fascism, and they're gonna keep fighting for nationalizing industries.

What's the worst that can happen if the bailout plan took action? You'll see in 10 years. Suze Orman will be throwing her poo at you from the top of the Shit Mountain.

Ultimate Workout

I came up with the concept of a perfect workout regime that works both for strength and bulking up.

First day: power lifting. Choose 2 muscle groups to train, and start lifting some serious weights at low reps - 4 to 5 per set. Start out with lower weight, and increase per each out of 4 sets. It's essential that you do not burnout. If you feel that you can't do more reps, do NOT force them, because you don't want to have lactic acid in your muscles on the next day.

Second day: burnout. Work same 2 muscle groups from the previous day. This time use less weight, such that you're comfortable lifting. Do as many reps in a set as you can, until you can't do more than 1 rep in a set. Do the exercises slowly and hold at point of resistance.

Third day: you're gonna be sore as shit. Consume protein as much as your livers can allow, and rest as much as you can. It can take you from 3 to 5 days to recover. After you no longer feel pain, do a cardio day, and after that, repeat the cycle for the next muscle group you wanna train.

Hire Your Kid

Being a son could often be a pretty tough full-time job, don't you all agree?
Most parents don't love their children unconditionally. Instead they only show affection when something has been achieved, thus making a "human-doing" out of their kids. You wanna get some cash, you gotta beg mommy and daddy. But "money has to be earned". One way or another they'll make you work for that shit. When not achieving things, you get labeled a bad boy, and they deprive you from goods. You might get the impression that you're a fundamentally flawed person who can only prove his worth by contributing to society. Yeah, I was one of those people, because I happen to have been raised as a slave, like many other kids, for sure. When a day passed without a finished task, I always felt like shit. I'm still working on fixing that problem, because it's not an easy task. The strict self-discipline and perfectionism, the fear of failure, the uneasiness around people who know more than me in a particular field... being in control is addictive to human-doings, because they always have to avoid the constant shame, based on the deep notion that they're worthless. They strongly believe this, subconsciously, and that's why they fear making mistakes. Any mistake would blow their cover and they would feel naked and ashamed. The perfectionist's deepest secret: he's "evil" and he has to constantly hide it by being great at everything. That was me, but it's time to move on, right? If you are not being in control physically, that doesn't mean you lack psychological control. People who enjoy being physically abused are addicted to being in control of their "negative" emotions by suppressing their sadness and hurt.

Rapist Alert

A serial stuffed animal rapist is on the loose. He is known for kidnapping children's toys against their will, and brutally sodomizing them on tape. But that's not all. John Tanner, also known as Free Willy, works as a child entertainer and visits kindergartens on the Weekends. On August 27th, teacher Lissa Randell witnessed something godawfully shocking.

"We often have Mr. Tanner come over, mostly for birthday parties. Kids always had a great time with him. One day I had an important appointment with my dentist, so I left early, leaving John responsible for the children. Turned out my dentist was sick, so I came back to work. I entered the building, and I heard a loud noise coming from the playroom. I tiptoed to the door and I barely opened it. What I saw was appalling." - says Miss Randell. Free Willy was caught showing one of his twisted videos to the innocent prepubescent viewers. The sinful images were projected on the wall. In the film, Tanner was sodomizing a stuffed replica of the infamous TV character, ALF.

"John was naked, and he was penetrating the doll. It had an attached artificial anus and lipstick smeared around its lips." - explains the shocked witness - "At the time being, the children were laughing and having fun. They thought it was part of Willy's clown schtick. But imagine the impact on their tender little brains! This is all gonna affect their adulthood in a terrible way! May God help them..."

When Lissa witnessed the abominable abuse, she quickly ran to her office and called 911. Soon enough, the cops came and arrested the pervert. In his home, they found dozens of mutilated stuffed animals and videotapes. Some toys had their pubic areas shaved, others had strap-on penis extensions. On one of the videos, Tanner documented himself defecating on a puppy doll. After that, he used his own feces as lubrication. Finally, after his climax, the clown ate his own products.

The case is still open.