How to Bubble - Photoshop Tutorial

Bubbling was first invented by some horny Mormon guy - with this technique you can take a picture of a girl in a bathing suit and create the illusion that she is naked.
In this tutorial I will show you how you can achieve this effect:



First off, load the picture in Photoshop and create a new Fill Layer:


Click OK and a Color Picker will appear.
Choose a darker color and click OK.

Now lower the opacity of the newly-created layer to about 70%:


Click inside the layer mask of the layer.
The layer mask is the white square:


Now pick the Brush tool and increase the hardness to 100%:


With the black color, start painting into the mask, and you will notice that this will reveal what's behind the Fill Layer:


After you've made sure this works, go back with Ctrl+Alt+Z so that nothing is revealed.
Now pick an appropriate brush size and start revealing intimate parts of the girl's body, without showing any part of her bathing suit.
Here are the most important parts of the body that should be shown:


Notice that no bubbles collide, and that the distance between close bubbles is very similar.
Do not do the following:


Now that you've revealed the intimate parts of the girl's body, pop some more bubbles to reveal more details of her body where you can get away with it.
And here is the end result:


You can play with the color by double-clicking the Fill Layer.
The Color Picker will appear and you'll be able to change the color of the fill layer to whatever looks best to you.
Sometimes a lighter color works better.

That's it! You now know how to bubble! I hope you found this tutorial helpful!
For a full video tutorial, I suggest watching this:



Here are two more girls that I have nudified using this technique:

He's Still Here

He's still here and I do care.

Joaquin Phoenix isn't one of my favorite actors, and I don't think I like him as a person, either. But what he did with his latest movie is, in my opinion, truly brilliant. A practical joke goes terribly wrong when the media turns against Joaquin, after finding out that they're being mislead by him. JP does not give up, and throughout the whole film, you don't know what will happen next. Watching the movie, 2 hours passed by like 10 minutes.



I'm Still Here perfectly portrays how damaging Hollywood can be to an actor's personal life. Once you're in, and once you're famous, people won't let you pull out. If you want to do something else with your life, they won't even give you a chance. The ghost of your famous self will always be there, haunting you, and making you feel paralyzed and helpless. No one will ever take you seriously as anything else, but an actor.

Joaquin Phoenix, willingly or unwillingly, brings light to this issue in his documentary. He exposes the dark side of La La Land. He lives through the horrors that Tom Green once went through, causing his career to go down the toilet. You can read more about that in Tom Green's book "Hollywood Causes Cancer", which by the way, is a great read. Anyway, I can't help but spot a lot of similarities between the two actors: both fucked with the media and got their acting careers destroyed, both grew beards, and both became rappers.

And of course, people can't help but compare Joaquin to the notorious Andy Kaufman. But I don't think the latter would have ever dared to do what Joaquin did with I'm Still Here. JP went really far, and did not quit, even when his hoax was exposed and the media declared that "nobody cared". Was that his only choice? I think he could have gone out publicly and apologized. The damage to his career wouldn't have been that severe then. But executing an idea can be a slippery slope, especially when you've invested so much in it already, and Joaquin probably got too carried away with his act to ever consider quitting.

Even if you're at the top of your game, the media can chew you up in a few seconds and spit you out as a nobody. I'm Still Here is like a psychological snuff film that exposes this reality. Great documentary, that I recommend that you see at least once, if you want to support independent cinema and original ideas.

The Room - Lisa's Profile

The other night I had the urge to watch Tommy Wiseau's The Room again. It's a great movie and I strongly recommend it. This post is for people who have already seen the film. It's my analysis of Lisa's relationship with Johnny. The Room almost depicts Lisa as this evil selfish manipulative bitch, but are we to judge her this way? Is Johnny really this angel that the film so badly makes him out to be?

It seems that Johnny loves Lisa for no apparent reason presented in the film, other than her being beautiful. And she seems to have loved him just because she was supposed to - all her friends and relatives constantly assure her how nice Johnny is and how she should love him -- just because he's financially stable, charitable, and he gives her presents all the time. We see that Lisa did not love Johnny for his charms, and it was neither for his looks; she loved him because she felt she owed him that, in return for his unconditional love and endless gifts. She would have felt guilty if she didn't.

Lisa's love was fake, and she finds that out right before it's too late. But what does she do about it? Instead of ending her relationship with Johnny, she finds an outlet, where she can get rid of her guilt; the guilt of not being able to give back what she's given. The outlet that she finds is Mark. To get rid of the guilt, she passes it on to him, by loving him unconditionally, and forcing favors on him, mostly in the form of sex.

Are we to blame Lisa for not being honest with Johnny? I don't think so. In the scene where he confronts her for being deceiving, we see that he is actually capable of hitting her. He pushes her down at least twice. He looks scary. Is this really the way you encourage someone you love to be honest with you, by yelling at them and physically threatening them? This only shows that Johnny doesn't really care about Lisa's emotions. He shows no curiosity, so Lisa naturally doesn't feel like sharing her feelings with him. Yelling out "Why Lisa, why?" isn't really being curious, it's more like an agonizing self-pitying scream in the form of a rhetoric question.

Lisa is in a very "awkward situation" and it's completely understandable why she fears ending her relationship with Johnny. First of all, her friends and family will ostracize her. Secondly, Johnny might hurt her. And lastly, he might hurt himself. In the film, it becomes apparent that Johnny is psychologically dependent on Lisa. He needs someone who he can take care of, because otherwise he feels worthless. His happiness depends on babysitting Lisa. She is tired of being that baby, and she's tired of being responsible for his emotions. It's only natural that she resents him so much, and it's also natural that she becomes manipulative, because the honest way of dealing with the issue has been made a taboo for her.

Why is Mark Johnny's best friend? Because he is also susceptible to being a baby that needs taking care of, which becomes apparent when Lisa becomes her husband and Mark becomes her. Mark allows Lisa to force favors on him and become his caregiver. What about the situation with Denny? It's just another example of Johnny's narcissism - by helping Denny, Johnny feels good about himself.

In conclusion, Johnny was a bad narcissistic husband. Lisa was in a codependent relationship with him for a couple of years, but then she got smarter and wiser. Unfortunately, her friends and family weren't as smart, so she was forced to become the nasty manipulative "bitch" in order to get what she wants. In the end of the movie, it seems like everyone morally condemns her, and she "gets what she deserves". As if she has made a grave mistake not to obey her husband and relatives, and now she has to suffer for it. To me, she made a great choice, and I believe she is "in a better place" now, unlike dead Johnny, with real friends and a husband that she loves for what he is.

P.S. If you're a fan of The Room and you like adventure videogames, you are totally going to love this flash game dedicated to the movie: Click Here to Play. The game features beautiful 8bit graphics and chiptunes, cutscenes taken from the film, great sound effects, and what I enjoyed the most, secret places and alternative endings.

1000 Blank White Cards

1000 Blank White Cards is a card game where the players basically make up their own cards. There are almost no rules, and the game has the potential of constantly evolving according to the "market". I can't even begin to imagine what sorts of cards will be created. The possibilities are unlimited.

Click here to check it out!

I think the game is fucking amazing, but requires too much effort. So I have an idea that I wanna know if people would be interested in: an online version of 1000 Blank Cards, where instead of drawing each card, you can simply upload a picture (or embed a video). You have fields for the card description, whom it affects, how many points it provides, etc. Once you've made (or picked) a deck of cards, you can play online with your friends or strangers. It's totally possible. I have a very clear vision of how to make this thing work. But I really really wanna make sure enough people would be interested in playing. Let me know.

Jordaan Mason

Most people skip introductions, so I'm going to be brief. Jordaan Mason has been my favorite artist for quite a while, so I decided to spread the word and do an interview with him. His band's latest full-length album Divorce Lawyers I Shaved My Head has become a soundtrack of my life, and it's been basically the only thing I've been listening to in the past few months. His past work is also fascinating, and it's available for free at cllct.com. Everything else, you'll find in the interview.



Hello, Jordaan. Thanks again for the opportunity to ask you my humble questions. They might seem trivial to people who already know you, but I hope that this interview introduces you to new fans and listeners of alternative music. So let's get started. I think good music deserves its own name for a genre. What's a made-up genre that you think would best describe your style of music?

i have a really hard time answering questions about what 'kind' of music this band makes. i think it's easy to say it's folk music because we're playing with mostly acoustic instruments, the chord structures of the songs are usually fairly simple, and the songs are based around a story being told through words. all of those things are traditions in folk music.

but really i have no idea because, especially lately, the band is constantly changing. we also all listen to different music, and each have very eclectic tastes, so i have no idea. i bet everyone who's ever played in this band, past or present, would have a different answer.

To me, your lyrics were what initially made me want to check out more of your songs. They seem to be packed with amazingly disturbing metaphors, some of which, I think, people wouldn't even dare attempting to understand and visualize. You paint pictures with your words. If they were to be materialized, where would you hang them?

they have; they are; my bedroom.

Nice. You seem to present types of behavior and events that most people find disturbing or shocking in such a beautiful light. I love that. I love how you take things that people are shamed for, and you turn them into something completely acceptable, even beautiful. Is that really how you see things, or is that how you wish to see them, your art being a self-indulgent utopia?

i write about those things because they are happening to me and to people that i love and i need to talk about it. i need to talk about it without thinking about what's politically correct, or what's going to be seen as beautiful and what's going to be seen as disgusting. it's all kind of the same to me, in the end. or at least, i don't really think about the distinction between the two. things can be violent and loving at the same time.

I agree, in the sense that one person's love can be another person's torture... Anyway, do you have a "higher" purpose of your songs, other than entertainment? Perhaps a message that you want to subtly convey to society through your songs?

there's definitely things i am trying to say that are very important to me, but i don't really know how to sum them up here. the songs are personal and therefore political, but not political necessarily, if that makes sense. i have a lot of grandiose ideas about art and what it can do, for sure, beyond entertainment, and when i'm writing a song, "entertainment" is the last thing on my mind. it does come into play during a performance, though: because to a certain extent, no matter how natural and honest you're being during a performance, it is partially meant to entertain, to be thought-provoking, to be enjoyed for some reason or another.

Right, think I know what you're saying... I have a quote here from one of your songs: "The ghosts all say that God will save you". It seems to me like a cynical portrayal of religion, where people take advice from dead folks about an imaginary thing that would save them. Perhaps I completely misunderstood it... Can you tell me more about that song, and that quote in particular?

the song is pretty literally, actually. i wrote that song when i was seventeen, still living at home with my parents, going to high school. and i was having, whether real or not, a relationship in my bedroom with a ghost for a few years, which was perhaps hallucinatory.

Ouch. Ockham's razor has a sharp edge, indeed. Anyway... When I got used to your lyrics, I started appreciating the music behind them. I think you're a genius, vocal wise. I've never heard anyone else sing the way you do. It's not just your voice that I find unique, but also the melodies that you create with it. I noticed in your older songs, you were a bit shy to show off your skills, perhaps because you hadn't developed your own style yet? Tell us more about your journey of finding your own style. Who's your favorite singer that you think might have influenced you the most?

i started recording and releasing music before i knew what i was doing at all, so there's definitely been a transition. i was also seventeen when i started making records and my voice has just changed naturally since then. playing shows allowed me to have more confidence in my singing, and i hadn't actually played shows almost all when i made my first two records - they were made pretty much exclusively in solitary confinement. they were also recorded with bad equipment that i couldn't sing too loud with, otherwise it just sounded like terrible fuzz, and at night when i had to just be quieter in general.

most of my favourite singers are female. my favourite singer that's alive right now is diane cluck - she has so much control over her voice, it's astounding. there's still a lot of things i can't do with my voice that i wish i could. i really want to learn to yodel, for example.

You show such a wide range of talent. I read somewhere that you learned to play the guitar in just a few weeks. You also know how to play a bunch of other instruments, like the accordion, the piano, the saw, and I wonder what else. Are you a self-taught musician, or have you attended any music schools? How did you get into music?

my mother had a piano and an accordion while i was growing up, and i was given piano lessons on and off throughout my childhood, though i had a lot of trouble sitting still during them. in high school, i played bass clarinet in the high school band briefly. i learned the guitar because the accordion is heavy and the piano isn't really portable unless you have an electric one, which i don't. it took me a while to get the hang of it, but i recorded songs even though i couldn't really play it. i also have taught myself the saw and i'm trying to learn how to play the drums a bit, but i can basically only keep a 4/4 or a 3/4 beat. to be fair, i would say i play a lot of instruments just well enough to get by, but i can't play any very well.

You can't play all of the instruments at once, so obviously you need a band, at least for live performances... How did you guys find each other with the Horse Museum, and how long have you been playing together?

the horse museum formed really organically, in the latter half of 2007. i had written this album - divorce lawyers i shaved my head - and i wanted to start recording it with a band. so a small group of my friends started playing with me - that being sarah ayton, dee addario, jason aviss, and richard laviolette. richard had other things to focus on so we found jason mccrimmon to fill in on drums, and then we started recording the record, and more and more people kept getting added to the recording, and therefore the live band. the group got bigger and bigger for a while, and is now kind of imploding, changing, and getting smaller again.



You run the Oh!Map Records label. Most artists are obsessed with equipment. To me, the music behind the nice sound is what matters the most. The lo-fi sound that you guys have seems to really add to the genuinity of your music. Does equipment matter to you, and is your choice of sound a financial solution, or an aesthetic choice?

it's mostly financial. i really like a good recording, whether it's professional or 'lo-fi,' and there's certain sounds you can only get if you do it in your bedroom on a computer, and certain sounds you can only get it if you do it in a studio to a tapedeck. and i can appreciate both. ideally, i'd like to work with tape and analog equipment, but i can't really afford that right now. that's not going to stop me from making a record anyway, or doing the best i can with what i do have. the funny thing is, when this last album was finished, we all thought of it as being really 'hi-fi' (because, for us, it is/was) and every single article about us seems to mention that it's 'lo-fi.'

I'd call it mid-fi. I have a theory that the music industry is a scheme where people try to sell you shit you don't need. They overhype certain products for their quality of sound, and they keep propagating how anyone could become a rockstar with such and such equipment. I see a lot of bad consequences of that, one of them being that people wish to become rockstars just for the sake of it, and not because they have any good artistic ideas to share. Would you agree with me that there's a thing like that going on?

i definitely think there are artists, in all fields, doing it for reasons i maybe don't personally agree with. but at the same time, it's hard to decide 'why' art should be made; to put a maxim on that. there are some bands i really love that relied entirely on equipment - lots of really warm electronic music and 'shoegaze' (what a weird genre name), etc. but it also depends on what you're listening to music for - what you (this being a general 'you') want to get out of a piece of music. whether that's mood, or story, or whatever - i think it's all valid. that being said, there's a lot of really vapid and uninteresting music being made and that has been made. why anyone likes any music though is entirely personal, i think, and it can be debated, sure, but i don't think anything is necessarily definitive, either.

Good point, and I agree. It's all a matter of subjective opinion, when it comes to art. I guess the bigger harm is all these kids getting ripped off. Back to you, though. I've noticed that most of what you do is acoustic. Are you open to recording songs with electronic sounds in future releases, or do you prefer keeping things "unplugged"?

i like the idea of using electronic sounds eventually. i just don't really have any electric instruments, currently. i think the next record will have a bit more of a mixture, though live (for the time being, at least) it'll remain mostly acoustic. i like the idea that you can just play a show anywhere at any time with no set up required, other than being in tune with one another.

Some artists record with high noise levels on purpose, and they aim to make their sound as raw as possible. Hipsters dig it, but oh lookey here, they seem to not take too much fonding of you. What's your opinion on hipster culture and Pitchfork media?

to be honest, i think the definition of a 'hipster' is still kind of a grey area for me. i mean: i get the basics, but also the formula doesn't always equal the end result in my experience. and it sort of sucks that a lot of great things are associated with this culture of people who are regarded as 'apathetic.' because i know a lot of people who care about those things a lot, and who look really good when they go out at night, but they are not apathetic. so what are they then? my friend russ woods (aka 'tinyfolk') once defined the word 'hipster' really well, i think: 'a derogatory term used by fashionable young people to describe other fashionable young people they don't like.' it honestly just makes me feel like we haven't left high school or something.

Haha, nice. I think the dude hit the nail right on the head with that definition.

pitchfork is kind of a strange thing, and i don't really want to comment on it too much further than this: what i find so strange about it is how much their opinion matters to people. what i mean by that is: a good review from pitchfork can basically make or break a band's career right now. and so can a bad one. and when i talk to people about music, even if they hate pitchfork, they usually still read it. and most people can't even list five other music websites off the top of their head. which sort of sucks. they essentially are the controlling force of 'underground music' right now, and lots of people take their opinions way too seriously, for better and for worse.

Some people compare you to Jeff Magnum from Neutral Milk Hotel. Can you spot any similarities? According to Pitchfork Media, "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" is a "true timeless masterpiece". Hipsters love that shit, and it's getting more the popular. So how come Pitchfork never told hipsters to listen to you?

pitchfork probably never reviewed our record because they recieve thousands of records to review every day. the music market is insanely oversatured right now, and especially in the last ten years or so, because it's so much more accessible to release your own record these days, to go on tour, to promote your band, etc., and so a lot more people are, plain and simple. 'in the aeroplane over the sea' is a great fucking record, that definitely has had an impact on me. and our album may seem similiar because of some of the instrumental influences and the fact that i'm also singing about sex in a very graphic way, but i think overall the records are very, very different. aeroplane is, for one, a million times more hopeful than everything i've ever written and it's also probably why it strikes a chord with so many people.



Is music enough for you to get by? Do live events pay off well?

right now, i work a job in the box office of a theater company in toronto and play shows when i can, and i barely make ends meet. in my free time, i'm trying to get a novel published and thinking about going back to school.

How can fans support you financially?
Is there any merch they can buy, or perhaps a PayPal address they could donate to?

the only merch we have at the moment is the album, basically. everything else is out of print. it can be ordered on our myspace / through our paypal (oh_map@hotmail.com).

What's the weirdest place you've ever played, and what was it like? How did it go?

probably this show i played in peacedale, rhode island. we were booked to play a festival, which ended up being the town festival, which ended up being full of children. i told the promoter that i felt uncomfortable playing for kids, and so we ended up playing in a parking lot nearby for a few teenagers. there's been a bunch of weird ones, though.

Oh man, I'm sure the kids would have loved it!
Speaking of children, what's the weirdest place you've ever had intercourse? (just kidding)

a greyhound bus station public rest room; in an office; a farm field; public parks...

Your song "Your Couch" makes me cry out with sympathy for you. A friend of mine went through a similar hell like that. How much of your material is based on personal experience, and what else inspires you to write new music?

pretty much everything is based on personal experience. if not directly my own, then someone close to me. if it didn't actually happen to me literally, then it happened to me in a dream or a daydream or in that strange waking state in between, which is where i usually am. i'm also inspired a lot by films and books. there's a really long list of things that have influenced / inspired me on our myspace.

Alright. Can you describe the range of reactions you get from the audience when you play live? Have you ever gotten in trouble, and maybe got thrown stuff at you?

audience reactions are definitely different all the time. we have played some very uncomfortable shows, and sometimes i think we just scare people. but usually the response is more positive, especially because at this point we know who to book shows with and who not to more often now. we've definitely been asked to stop mid-performance, and i've never had things thrown at me, but i've had people yell derogatory things at me.

It's nice that you found your own niche. What can your fans expect from you in the future?
Tell us more about your upcoming projects.

the horse museum is working on a 7" of two new(er) songs right now. we're also going to be releasing a digital split single with shelby sifers, where we each cover one of each other's songs. it might actually be a split with her and her partner tyler tadlock's new band, which is called peacock dreams. lots of members of this band are going on to do some really exciting things with their lives in other parts of the country, so this band will soon be a lot smaller. the next record, which we're going to start recording in the fall i think, is tentatively titled 'the decline of stupid fucking western civilization,' which is from a title card in gregg araki's film 'totally fucked up.'

Can't wait for all this! In your blog on myspace you mention releasing a Divorce Lawyers photo book. What's the progress there? I'm really curious what's inside that book.

the title 'divorce lawyers i shaved my head' was originally designated to a body of photography work documenting relationships, identity, illness, and sexuality. essentially: they are the literal version of the hyperbolic story happening on the album. right now i'm still working on pairing down the images (there are about 150) down to a reasonable size for publication, and in some cases, with the more sensitive subjects, trying to figure out if they are too personal to publish or not. some of the photographs are online, though: photos at flickr

Anything else you'd like to share?

i spent the last three hours or so at work filling this out. i hope it's ok.
sometimes i find these things very hard.

That was great, man. Thank you so much for this interview, and I wish you the best!

Moviegoers: Easy to Please

You compromise good taste if you pay to see a shitty film just because it's a piñata full of eye-candy. Buying the ticket translates to "I want more of the same", which feeds the Hollywood asshole to shit out more of the unoriginal crap movies with offensively gigantic plot holes, and jokes that used to be funny in third grade. If you compromise a good story for beautiful special effects, you are automatically refusing to see a movie that has both a great plot and marvelous special effects. Yes, imagine if you had movies that had both of these elements. Well, you can't, because you are an easy to please faggot.

I can't blame Hollywood; they manufacture what the market wants. You loved Transformers 2 - they made it just for you. Smart things make people feel stupid, unexpected things make people feel scared. That's why people want to see the same thing over and over again. Fuck originality... You waste your money on fecal matter and you've learned to enjoy swallowing it, because they put lots of butter on it. Well okay, even if you didn't enjoy the movie, you'll lie to yourself that you did. You'll justify all the bad parts, just to avoid admitting that you've made a bad choice. Well at least you had a good time with your girlfriend, cuddling together, eating popcorn, and spreading grease all over each other's faces, right? Like my Bub-Bub says, movies used to sell popcorn, and now popcorn sells movies. I prefer watching cartoons.

Snoop Dogg is a Waste

Fuck Snoop Dogg, I'm sick of seeing his face everywhere. Snoop Dogg is shit. His flow sucks, and his voice is annoying. He was never a good rapper, too. All he does is show up and take a greasy shit on a cheap beat. It's no longer a privilege to do a song with Snoop; in fact, it's equivalent to collaborating with Vanilla Ice. Both fuckers are washed out wannabe gangsters with zero talent. And oh boy, Snoop is such a pimp, married to his high school sweetheart. He's a pussy-whipped shit. When I see his face on TV, I know the program I'm watching is cheap. He's ugly, too. Snoop's the new Mr. T, except he's uglier. He looks like the type of log a Chinese constipated old woman would leave in the toilet. Snoop's the kind of shit that would clog up your toilet and reek for weeks, he just won't flush down.



I feel sorry for Snoop Dogg and his embarrassments.

Dethalbum II Review

After a decent second season of Metalocalypse, the notorious DETHKLOK are back with a new eardrum-popping album. Yes, the writer of this article no longer has hearing capabilities, for his ears bled to death. Nathan Explosion's voice has been destroyed from drinking and fatigue, which only increased the impact of brutality that the new songs bring. His voice is now weaker and raspier. Reminds you of something? Yes, this is the sound of death coming closer to you.

D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DIE!

The [adult swim] network recently aired the TV premiere of DETHKLOK's latest video, "Bloodlines". Babies all around the world woke up weeping, with cockroaches coming out of their orifices (including anus, urethra, and vagina). Old people shat their pants, resulting in deadly colon ruptures. Women gave birth to malformed freaks that bit off their mothers' private parts. The fans who were watching lost their sight. Their imagination started projecting horrific hallucinations of an altered childhood. Dads mutating into demons, while having intercourse with their mothers. Grandmothers cooking their husbands' sex organs. The survivors are few, and they are chosen to help the Antichrist demolish the world in 2012.

LET NO ONE SURVIVE!

What's next after "Bloodlines"? 11 more tracks of rapture. Skwisgaar's strings cut through the speakers as he violently punishes his guitar with an angry fist of death. "Laser Cannon Deth Sentence" is pretty catchy, and it's probably the most memorable song on this album. The chorus of "Dethsupport" is awesome. The whole song is epic. Ever since Deathalbum II got released, the death rate of senior citizens has been steadily and quickly growing. Coincidence?

PULL THE PLUG! PULL THE PLUG!!

Most DETHKLOK fans had to go through an electro-shock training program in order to learn the title of "I Tamper With The Evidence At The Murder Site Of Odin" by heart. Half of them died during the educational process. The other half managed to learn it, but after reciting the title aloud, their hearts exploded. Great song. "Murmaider II: The Water God" is not nearly as awesome as the original. It's rather dull and boring. The rest of the songs are pretty much filler. Dethalbum II is a self-destructive repertoire of sinking talent in the depths of Hell. How does this critic rate the album? Well he's already blind and deaf. The last thing he screamed into the recorder, before cutting off his tongue, was "666 out of 10".

The Art of Manipulation

Art can be presented in the form of a product, or it can be used as a tool to sell other products. I see art as a tool for manipulation of the mind, the same way a scalpel is a tool for manipulation of the flesh. It's good or evil depending on the context. Doctors MUST know how to manipulate a person's physiology to successfully treat them. In a similar way, artists should know how to manipulate the human mind, if they want to avoid unethical actions. Doctors have tools of manipulation, like scalpels, retractors, needles, drugs, etc. The same tools can be effectively used for torture and evil deeds. Even the most powerful, most manipulative persuader, cannot make you do things against your will. What they do is convince you that what they want you to do is what you want to do. It's always your final decision that matters. There is no way to persuade somebody without their consent.

One can be exposed to propaganda without their awareness of it, and that's called indoctrination. A child doesn't have a choice to NOT give consent, because they're entirely dependent on their parents. The external threat of the parents abandoning the child forces the child to give consent. I call this type of manipulation irresponsible, when you take advantage of one's weaknesses to brainwash them. It's not manipulation itself that's the issue, but rather that it's forced upon one. In the case where you depend on somebody else, you choose to comply because it's best for your well-being. So practically, you still give consent because it's the best option for you, compared to the alternatives. If your dependency is forced, the persuader is obviously aggressing against you, and his actions are immoral. But it's not persuasion itself that is evil, but rather it was the manipulator's coercion.

Intimidation is a form of manipulation that might force someone into making a choice, whether a good one, or a bad one. But that's an impractical form of persuasion because the intimidated person won't own the decision, and it wouldn't take them long to change their minds later. Intimidation is most commonly used by con-artists, because they benefit from their victim's short-term confusion. Bad tradesmen also use intimidation to pitch their products, and they often end up not being as successful as the honest merchants.

We see art being used in advertising as a way of promoting different products, people, and ideas. Art has always been a very useful tool for religious nuts to promote their delusional beliefs - the hypnotic church liturgies, the repetitive use of symbolism (with certain symbols serving as anchors), sponsorship of events in the name of god, etc. Art is used in advertising to strengthen commercial brands, catch people's attention, and persuade them to buy products. Not to mention ideological political beliefs and new-age philosophies that are constantly being propagandized by confused artists.

Art as a product in and of itself is not that important, to say the least. Pop music performers take advantage of art as a tool to promote their artistic products and get paid. They want to convince you that their compilation of sounds and words are special, which in 99.99% of the time is not true. So still, at the end of the day, it's the application of art as a tool that makes the difference. Are you an artist, or are you an artister?

Illusion of Bias

I finished my new short film, Illusion of Bias.


Link on Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/5145980
Link on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDZBzXa6BUM&fmt=18
You can see some of the work in progress in my deviantart account:
http://sparxdragon.deviantart.com/gallery/#Illustrations

Stephen Colbert Sucks

Here's a list of 10 unfunny people funnier than Stephen Colbert:

1. Bill O'Reilly
2. Ben Stiller
3. Jacky Chan
4. Dane Cook
5. Jeff Dunham
6. Ray Romano
7. D. L. Hughley
8. David Alan Grier
9. Carlos Mencia
10. Zach Braff

Most of the Colbert Report is just filler, including the cheers and applause. The rest is shit I can't relate to. I mean, sure, it's a lot of fun mocking bigotry, but it's also very hypocritical. I mean, if you really hate the fact that ignorant people can vote and become politicians, the solution is definitely not making them look cute and funny with your comedy. There are already too many real bigots, and acting like one, just for laughs, is just an act of passive aggressiveness. In this case, laughter is just a defensive mechanism; the joy of the slave. People get to feel morally superior, big deal. What's the recipe for NOT FUNNY? Take satire and mix it up with politics. Let's not blame it all on Stephen. His screenwriters are stuck with the same template and nothing new ever comes out of their asses. And now, get ready for... TONIGHT'S WORD: *applause and cheering, vocal chords torn apart*



Here's a list of 10 unfunny things funnier than the Colbert Report:

1. Fart jokes
2. Dirty pun jokes
3. "Your mom" jokes
4. "What's with that?" jokes
5. Slapstick comedy
6. Celebrity anecdotes
7. Played out memes
8. Sitcoms (Friends, That 70's Show)
9. "Here's your sign" jokes
10. Comedic relief in Star Wars

This is what the Colbert Report writers would've come up with if they had to bash their own show. It's always "hilarious" to paste Stephen's face on a picture. Fuck this guy. He should either quit or demand that they hire new writers. I admit the show used to be funny, back when it wasn't just a pleaser for smug socialist snobs. I used to like Stephen's interviews, most of all. If you like shit like that, check out Zach Galifianakis and his show Between Two Ferns; he's the real deal. I hate Stephen Colbert is just a clown that I hate.

Nine Inch Nails Sucks

Google doesn't find even one web page where the main topic is "Nine Inch Nails Sucks". NIN are extremely overrated, and that's the main reason I wanted to express my dislike for this musical project. Reznor's fans claim that his sound is exceptionally good just because he uses expensive equipment and experimental effects. The fact of the matter is, there is evident noise level in his songs, and even some clipping. Some people say that it's a good thing you can hear all of the instruments in a NIN song. This is actually a sign of bad mixing. Most instruments in a mix are supposed to compliment each other, not individually stand out on their own. I don't like NIN's beats, they are badly put together, let's say, compared to Prodigy's beats, which are perfect. I gave Prodigy's beats as an example of well-glued samples in a way that they sound homogeneous, like real drum beats. Update: turns out NIN's drum beats are real, it's just that they're so badly mixed, they sound like bad techno made in Fruity Loops.



If you layer Reznor's vocal tracks one over the other at the same tempo, I wouldn't be surprised if the melodies match. You could call it "style", but most of his songs have the same tune played in different keys, with various alterations. Also, Reznor's singing voice is unoriginal and boring. The songs are too repetitive and they lack dynamics. The lyrics are pretentious and boring. They look like some teenage girl wrote them during her period. Except, teen angst poetry is a tad less tedious and sometimes fun to fap to.

Trent Reznor is an elitist prick who takes himself too seriously. He's a supporter of PETA - a terrorist group. He's a narcissistic asshole who somehow manages to influence others into believing that he's a big deal. I'm willing to bet that most of his fans are teenagers who have received bad parenting but still love their parents. Don't ask me why, psychology. Not that hip to have in such a cutting edge article like this one.

I Hate Star Wars

From George Lucas's personally illustrated autobiography:

Long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, my dick exploded while I was having fantasies about raping the movie industry in the anus. I came so hard, Steven Spielberg almost choked on my ejaculate. We then switched turns and he fucked me so bad I had a vision. So vivid, so phallic, was the picture, that I could almost feel all the ideas coming out of my ass. Turned out I shat myself on his cock. Coincidence? I don't think so, as his cock smeared in shit inspired me to come up with my greatest idea of all - the central antagonist of my soon-to-be-made movie, Darth Vader: The Shit Lord. Of course! I should base the whole saga on dicks and fecal matter. Genius! Hmm, I need a protagonist now. "How about Jesus", Steven suggested while wiping his dick in my pubic hair, "People love Jesus! You can't go wrong with that". And the old Jew had a darn good point. So I started thinking about it, as Steven began urinating on me - Jesus walked on water, I thought. "Fuck that", Spielberg said, "Your hero should walk on air". Indeed I named him Skywalker, the Chosen One, born with no father, and his mother - a slave. "Just like your mom, Steven", I joked. I'm not sure if his mother was a whore, but it sounded very funny. That brought up the question about humor. There should be some comic relief in my serious action drama movie! I didn't want to keep the audience tensed for more than a minute. Just as this thought hit me, Steven slapped my ass with a bamboo stick. "Eurika", I exclaimed. Slapstick comedy is what I needed, because most people find it hilarious! There I was, hours later, saying goodbye to Steven Spielberg. I was so sad he had to leave, but he left me a present - a blow up doll. Every day I relieved myself on the doll's face, as I was imagining it talk to me dirty, just like Steven. I wondered if a robot could be made, just like him, to please me, for the times he's missing. An important part of my movie was also missing: the physical comedy. Maybe a robot could replace that there? How about a hilarious android who looks like a blow up doll? Great!



As time went by, I got more frustrated with my movie project. I knew the crap would sell, but nobody was there to encourage me and assure me that it can and should go further. I just wanted to throw the damn thing in the Recycle Bin. I kept creating new ridiculous characters, and they all ended up in the trash. One day I just gave up, smoked a few joints, and decided to revive the scrapped characters. I really had fun with this shit, and it really grew on me, to the point where I thought to myself: "What would happen if I bring into life the Recycle Bin itself". That's how R2-D2 was born.

It was time that I think about the plot. What would Jesus do in another Galaxy? He would fight the forces of evil, of course. How would he fight them... with a sword! He should be a ninja! Or even better, a samurai! Yes, because he's ready to sacrifice himself in the name of good! And his sword should glow in the dark because he is Jesus and he fights the darkness! Yeah! He and his gang of holy samurai will fuck shit up using the power of prayer! Nah, that sounds too lame... Let's call it the force. Ah, sounds much better. And the bad guys, the Shits, they will possess the power of the dark side, which of course, will be quicker, easier, and more seductive, because it comes from no other than the Devil. Holy war. Good versus evil.



George Lucas is retarded. His movie is a success only because it has nice visual effects, character designs, and an infantile fairy tale as the plot. People love the movie only because they saw it in the past, back when their intelligence level was even lower than the writer's. The Star Wars fans are strongly biased and sentimental about the movie, because it reminds them of their childhood. If your first time seeing the film was as an adult, and you instantly became a fan, I am here to inform you that you probably have developmental disabilities and I feel sorry for you. You might also be a homosexual with scatological sexual fantasies. Not that there's ANYTHING WRONG with that.

I'm putting this out to let people like me know there is hope. I google'd the phrase "I Hate Star Wars" and I didn't find the results satisfying - the first result was "[n] Reasons to Hate Star Wars" - it's too detailed and I think the author is essentially a Star Wars fan who wrote the articles as satire. The second result was the "I Hate Star Wars Club" which seems to be run, ironically, by Star Trek fans. I love Star Trek, but that's not why I hate Star Wars. I hate Star Wars because it's an overrated b-movie that many people take seriously and quote as if it were a credible source of wisdom. I hate it because the plot sucks, the characters are flawed and inconsistent, the mythology is weak and unbelievable, beyond the usual suspension of disbelief.

This shit right pokes you in the eye with how bad it is.

Some fans of this horrible movie are victims of their own projections who have been exploited into finding faith and comfort in the Star Wars religion. Hopeless dreamers with Utopian ideals. Deluded concepts of good and evil, influenced by parents who shame their children for being angry or scared. Star Wars condemns fear, anger, and hatred as evil emotions, while labeling submissiveness, patience, and superstition as virtue. Be passive. Take it in the ass! It seems like the Holy Samurai valued intuition more than rational thinking. Making choices without thinking about the consequences is the essence of the force, and that's why fear is not encouraged. It leads them to anger because they can't put their irrational plans into action. Anger leads them to hate because they envy the ones who make rational choices. Hate leads them to suffering because they fall into a self-pity hole where they can't do anything constructive or destructive against their enemies. If they weren't so stupid, fear would lead them to change, anger would lead them to relief, and hatred would lead them to peace (staying away from your enemy).



So in Star Wars they have all kinds of high-speed technology and yet, the weapons are slow and inaccurate. Now I understand why light sabers are better weapons than laser guns; the latter are apparently equivalent to slingshots. And what's with the 4-legged Walkers?! That has to be the worst battle vehicle in the Universe. I mean, it's so slow, clumsy and weak. Walkers. All they need is a hit and they explode. What about the robots? They are more humane and emotional than people. It's weird that Recycle Bin spoke in bleeps to his friends, instead of using human voice, which is seen to be possible in a couple of scenes where it gets in trouble: "WOOAAAAHHHHHHH". And then here comes the Yeti. Everybody loves a furry sasquatch pet. But a story is not good enough without Casper, the friendly ghost! Here comes Ben! It must've been an every day thing in this galaxy to talk to ghosts.

LONG TIME AGO. FUCK YOU!

The characters were not true to their own standards. Chewbacca had already embraced the power of the dark side: he was fearful and angry: remember the scene where he choked the black guy? Shit, the Princess was even worse: there was so much passive aggression in her. She was constantly angry and scared to admit her love for that other guy. What about Darth Vader? He appeared to be very calm, brave, and nihilistic. None of the Shits were angry, and most of them were certainly not cowards. Another thing that looked pretty silly to me was how easily the Underwater King was convinced to send his people on a war for no profit whatsoever. This sends the wrong impression about wars, as if they were virtuous. But even so, sending citizens on a deadly mission simply because someone asked you to, is still a monstrous thing to do. Signing the peace contract would've been the better choice, but the queen wouldn't want to lose her power now, would she. And how did the "good" guy get voted for as a chancellor, even though it was known that most members of the senate were corrupt and didn't care for the people? So naive, this whole movie is. A bad influence on children, it can be.

Fiction Bullshit

It's time the truth be told. Zombies suck. Vampires suck. Robots suck. Ninja suck. Pirates suck. You're not cool if you think any of this stuff rules. Zombies and vampires suck because they don't exist. Metaphorically speaking, sure they do, but that's irrelevant.



Robots suck because they are machines - slaves to humanity.
They can't do shit unless they are programmed to.



Ninja suck because they are obsolete - the guy with the finger on the trigger is not afraid of your skills in martial arts. The Japan Self-Defense Forces consist of the following military units: armies, maritime districts, and air defense forces. I don't see Ninja in the list. Check out the weapons of JSDF. Do you see swords? Do you see shuriken? Shobo? Suntetsu?



Pirates suck because in reality they're nothing more than criminals. And I'm pretty much sure most of them speak and dress normally - sorry to ruin your homosexual fantasies. Parrots and hooks? Seriously, get a life.



You don't have to worship idealized versions of stuff that sucks in order to gain new friends on the internet. Unless you want to befriend losers. And don't even start with with that Batman-Superman bullshit. I don't care which fictional character you find best, because I can always have him beat by my imaginary legendary hero. All I need to say is that my character is just like yours, except he's immortal, invisible, nothing can take away his super powers, and he controls all matter.



I hate geeks and their stupid bullshit. It's not that it's their fault, but talking passionately about fictional issues just pisses me off. I can't help but feel contempt for them. I don't fucking care if Microsoft is an "evil" company. I'm still gonna buy an Xbox360 because it's a cheap platform, and the game coverage is decent. Also, I can hack the console, download games from the internet, burn them on DVD's, and play them for free. I bet you can't do that on your PlayStation 3, smug motherfucker. Enjoy your exclusive shitty games. You're a supporter of a fictional cause that has no realistic basis. I'm tired of bullshit.

Product Placement

How come critics always use product placement as an argument against the quality of a movie? If I were producing an independent movie, I would overload it with as much covert advertising as I can. I would rely on smaller companies that have proven their worth, like Shasta Beverages, Sam's Choice, Frito-Lay, Jack Link's, ConAgra Foods, and many others. I'd get a whole bunch of them advertise in my awesome movie. Nobody has done smaller companies so far. It's great fun.

Nowadays, it's popular to purchase cheap unpopular products, especially if they are badly advertised and look like shit. There is some sentimental value in getting crap like that. It's also a bit extreme. You never know what's gonna make you beg to vomit before you kill yourself. I would plug these kinds of products for free, I don't care. People will have fun spotting them in the store after watching my film. It will be like finding Waldo. Some might even need to travel to California in order to enjoy the wonderful taste of the local beverages. Reminds me of White Castle: a fast food chain based on the illusion of scarcity. People travel hundreds of miles just to stuff themselves with a bunch of turds that taste good only because they're small-sized and rare. And if you ever watched "Faggot & Faggot Go to White Castle", and you happen to be a homosexual, you might get even more hyped about tasting a shit sandwich yourself. I fall victim to the pop culture, guilty as charged. What I say about others applies to me as well, in this case. Except I go for some faggotry other than White Castle. It's all for a good cause: Capitalism. Help small business develop, I am always glad to. And what better way to do that, than to advertise them in my super smash hit movies!

I'm really sleepy, last night I slept for 17 fucking hours. I feel like this blog entry is silly and it doesn't have a good point, nor do I have the experience with movies to really claim that product placement is a good thing for their independence. I guess I'm putting this out for the movie directors reading, because I'm curious if that really is the case. I know a lot of celebrities read my blog for a fact. Don't be shy about leaving me a comment, nobody would believe it was the real you anyway, you've got nothing to lose. Give it a shot, dummy!

I am Not my Taste

I like to think that I'm a logical human being and I strongly value rationality. Judging from some of my actions, though, you would never believe this to be true, especially if you don't know me well enough. And I can totally understand that now. It all comes from my appreciation of the artistic value of irrational behaviors. One might think that I value irrationality itself. I don't. When I am me, when I'm out of character, I would always try my best to think objectively and logically. So why is it that I do these weird things then?

What's so artistic about being crazy? It simply is. Art is all about subjective experience, and crazy people have the most original and colorful stories to tell. Art is artificial, and so are these people. They have lost touch with their true selves, and that loss makes them actors for life. Yes, I was one of those people once, when "everything was just a movie". That's when I started attracting parasites to me. Maybe they mistaken me for one of them, or maybe they just saw me as a host. My role-models were in fact antagonistic to my true values. Because I wanted to amuse myself the same way they amused me. I wanted to become the circus freaks that made me laugh so hard. I hadn't yet realized that laughter is often the product of condescension. It's the good feeling you get when you know you're not like them. I was contradicting my true emotions. And having become a laughing stock, it didn't feel that funny. I was wondering why people didn't give me the respect that I deserve. Well, it's because they didn't have respect for themselves. While I was trying to be one of them, I was still aware of what's going on, and most of them were completely lost.

Back to the antagonistic role-models. My so-called "heroes". The artists that I like to emulate. I don't really wanna be like them, and my dignity would never allow me to do the dirty things they did. Emulation is temporary and not fundamental. I'm just playing. I'm testing people's responses. I'm testing my own boundaries. I'm being genuinely curious, exploring the different aspects of one's behavior. It makes me happy when people respond to my irrational character in a shocking manner. That's the best part of it. Getting a response from the audience. I guess seeing an angry person who freely expresses their feelings of disgust make me feel better about society. Not because what provoked their shock deserved such a reaction, but mostly because I can see the audience becoming emotional. Remember the movie Equilibrium? I believe we are already living in such a world.

In conclusion, there are people who actually value irrational behavior, not its artistic content. It seems like I share their taste in music and their sense of humor. That's why I was always surrounded by such horrible misfortunes. And that's why rational people mistaken me for such a failure and distance themselves from me. I am not my taste and my taste is what I'm not.

Head Album Review

I recently got ahold of Head's debut album - Save Me From Myself. For those of you who don't know, this is Brian Welch: ex-member of KoRn who left the band after finding Christ. Ever since his departure, their music turned to shit. Obviously he was the essential element that contributed to the overall original sound they used to have. And I gotta tell you, Jesus saved neo-metal.

Save Me From Myself is a surprisingly good record. What does it sound like? KoRn from the 90's. Even the vocals somehow remind me of Jon Davis. There's a thin line, though, that Welch didn't cross. He added some other spices in the mix, like synths and a collaboration with Stephen Hawking. I also noticed some Deftones influence, which made me think about their upcoming album...

Music wise, Head's songs are strongly built on trivial tunes that never get old. Nothing genius about them, they're just well-arranged. The best tracks in my opinion are "Save Me From Myself" and "Die Religion Die". I have yet to read the lyrics, but from what I hear, they're hilarious. I wonder if he really buys into Christianity... I really hope it's a subtle joke, Andy Kaufman style. It's hard to believe, though, knowing that Welch is a recovering junkie, and many such take a religious approach to solve their problem.

I wonder how he got these gurus of alternative music to play for him, like JOSH FREESE, Tony Levin, Trevor Dunn... Trevor Dunn, for crying out loud! I bet he got paid for his name to be on the list and never actually recorded bass for the album. I mean, come on, a 5 year old could play Head's riffs! You don't need a legend to do that for you! Same goes for Nine Inch Nails. Trent Reznor always hires some great musicians, which is totally a P.R. action to get more publicity. It's all bullshit, I tell ya. While we're at it, if you're a NiN fan, I don't wanna know you.

In conclusion, if you need some background music for your fap/rape/scat sessions, Save Me From Myself is the best choice for you! Embrace Christ in your holy deeds! Give it a try.

Comedians

Most of the stand-up comedians on TV piss me off...
Here's a simple self-explanatory synopsis:

Hello, I'm a Comedian. I hate my life and I suck at relationships. *laughter* I love women but they are evil. *laughter* I hate sharing but I'm married. *laughter* I should be telling a story now, where I mention an inside joke. Then, I'll talk about a few other things, and after a certain time, I'll refer to the inside joke again. This always gets me the biggest laughs and applause, cuz people get to show they were paying attention, proving how good a children they are. *laughter* I'm not a father figure. My dad used to beat me up, but he was a good parent. *laughter* Almost as good as embedding the previous inside joke again. *laughter and applause* Now let's talk about politics... John Mccain. *laughter* Barack Obama. *laughter* Alright, that brought a few laughs. Let's move on... Nine Eleven. *laughter* Now that was funny because you thought I was gonna change the topic. Seriously, though, as much as I hate the government, I love that country, man, and I think we should all support our troops in Iraq. God bless America! *cheers and applause* Well, that's my time, everybody! I hate myself! You're all a bunch of niggers. Fuck you! *cheers and applause*

Music Sucks

Man, I hate the music industry. It's like a huge drug company... first they lure you into their evil world with their catchy tunes and what not. Then they put a demon in your head by brainwashing you with their "public relations". They make you believe that being a musician can be a successful career. How do they do that: by exposing all these faggot shits on TV and convincing you how rich they are and how much fun they're having. While this can be somewhat true about these exact "artists", it has nothing to do with reality. Them motherfuckers got all lucky and that's that. There is no music market. Nobody tells you that. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT WITH MUSIC, IF YOU WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, BUY OUR QUALITY EQIUPMENT! It's all about people buying shitty over-priced products. The more fans believing they can become successful artists, the more customers you got. And man, I just can't stand watching these brainwashed victims obsessed with buying new equipment and talking about that shit all the time. How is that contributing to music if they ain't got no talent in the first place? Fucking $4000 guitars and all that bullcrap. I've had the opportunity to record with an expensive guitar and I did compare it to a cheap one - there was almost no difference. Faggots overhype that shit and play with your mind all the time. Manufacturers rip you off and you're the happy retard. What are you so happy about, you just wasted all your cash on a placebo! It's not even an investment cuz you'll never make it with music. You are nobody and you suck, although that doesn't even matter. And no, being a rockstar doesn't get you chicks - being an arrogant jerk does.

Some people, like me, fuck with music as a hobby. That could be fun sometimes. But most of the time it's just a time-consuming frustrating process. And when I finally complete a song, I'm thinking, "Why the fuck did I just do this!? It's not like I'M gonna listen to it". It's like defecating - you need to do it, many times it takes effort, but after you're done, you just flush it down the toilet cuz you hate that shit. I see no point in recording material anymore, unless it's provocative or offensive. Why would I care to contribute to a society of sick people who wouldn't appreciate my true work of art? And seriously, what is art? It's horse shit, that's what it is. Cheap faggotry that gives you a psychological trip. Why would anyone need that, if their life didn't already suck? Artfags are no better than junkies.

Fake and real artists contribute to the same pile of shit. Doesn't matter if you do it for the money. You're still producing "drugs" that make people believe their own fallacies, instead of acknowledging and understanding their emotions. I've always been a truth seeker. Talking to artists only made me feel confused and frustrated, since most of them are delusional and arrogant - their views about the world are awfully subjective.

Music. It's the fruit of resentful people with shit lives. It always comes down to that conclusion, no matter how you look at it. Tribal music is used for religious rites, and it's supposed to give you a psychedelic experience. You're religious? You want to escape reality? You've got a shit life. Classical music was the work of poor perverted sociopaths. Shit life. Rock and rap music are invented by black Americans - they were oppressed and confused. Shit life. Techno music was invented by faggots, I believe. Same shit. Oppression and unhappiness made all these people express their feelings through art. How great is that for those in charge? They don't have to deal with the crowd's anger and resentment anymore, cuz it's being buffered by creative activities and feasts. That's how masters preserve their power.

Bread and circus games.

After having been focused on music for the last 10 years, I finally say fuck it: it's in no way constructive nor efficient. My purpose of life is to be happy, that's what I live for. No empty cause can replace that. You can't be happy if you distort reality, and that's what artists do.
Music is artificial. I quit that shit.

Band Management

1. Songs
First of all, get some songs done. Make sure they sound homogeneous and compose in a simple structure, using these 6 parts: intro, verse, pre-chorus, chorus, bridge, outro. Try to make each song dynamic - do a moderate part, a quiet part, and finish off with a climax. THE LYRICS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT. Write most of them in First Person - that way anyone who could relate to the topic, would find it easier to sing along. Emotional songs sell. Negative emotions make people vulnerable, and that's why they should be your main focus: "I Suck", "I'm depressed", and "I Hate You" lyrics. There is an exception to the negativity rule: the "I Rule" and "I'm the Best" songs tend to sell a lot, too. Everybody loves singing a song about how cool they are (don't forget the First Person rule). Now, make sure that more than 50% of your lyrics are substantial, depending on the lifestyle you have chosen to represent. For example, if you're a punk band, make sure to include political and unconventional topics, or else you're gonna lose credit and respect, and no one's gonna take you seriously.

2. Attitude
You have to choose a lifestyle that your band represents, and then you have to really overhype it. Defend your causes, and always try to prove a point. People love that. And with attitude comes symbolism. You need to create a symbol of that chosen lifestyle - it could be a part of your outfit, a logo, a gesture... something that people could easily imitate and recreate. Explain to them what's YOUR meaning and concept of life, or what's the reason behind your rebellion. That's the most important thing: ALWAYS overhype; define a new genre, act as if what you are doing is special, explain WHY it is special, give the audience many words, confuse them, make them believe you're a higher being. Before all that, make up a really cool band name: unique, easy to spell, and easy to remember. Use Google and see how many search results there are for that name - the less, the better.

3. Indirect Involvement in the Media
To get the word out, though, you need to have good public relations skills. I divide PR in two divisions: direct and indirect involvement in the media. I'll start with the latter, which is also the easier one, as long as you have connections. Make a list of all the well-known people you know, and start contacting them. They could be musicians, actors, or just some local popular kids. Make them wear your band's t-shirt. Influence them into mentioning your project in interviews, or press conferences. If they are musicians, ask them to cover one of your songs. Or you can remix one of their songs and have it on their album. Convince everyone you know to give your music maximum exposure at parties or radiostations, if you know any DJ's. Once you have an album out, call all the music magazines and e-zines, and ask them to review it.

4. Direct Involvement in the Media
Do a research on bands that represent the same lifestyle and ideals you do. Go to their shows, stay after the end, talk and take pictures with them. That way others can recognize you more easily, and you also make good connections. Do interviews: talk about your concept, rebellion, etc. Do TV appearances: talk about your lifestyle, talk about how great your equipment is, and don't forget to spread controversy, if you wanna be scandalous, but never fuck with the media themselves, because they can destroy you. Write your band's name and include it in as many places, as many times as possible - use stickers, posters, markers, whatever you got. And of course, don't forget to take countless pictures of your band with everybody looking great. Invest in a music video, and make sure that the budget is high enough to make it look incredibly impressive.

5. The Internet
Pay for an official well-designed website with sections like Pictures, Press, Bio, Media, and Merch. Make a MySpace profile with a simplistic, but legit, design - easy to navigate, with Merch and Tour Dates on it. The songs on the player should be worksafe. For a beginner, hide the profile views and the number of friends you got, and put in "New Profile" in the headline. Never comment back and never reply to messages - that would ruin your celebrity status. A fun thing you can do on the internet is spread rumors and controversy about your band. Make up stories about getting kicked out, doing crazy shit on stage, hate mail, lawsuits, etc. And don't forget, kids: include the band's name EVERYWHERE!

6. Live Performances
Being in a band, you gotta understand that you are an ENTERTAINER. Most people don't get impressed by a good musical performance... in fact, most won't even know the difference between a good and a bad one. All they care about is getting a kick out of the show: meeting people, acting irrational, getting autographs. So don't worry about having little talent or skill. Work on your GIMMICK! Before every show, rehearse your dance moves and your speeches. Stage presence makes for 60% of the concert. If you wanna be edgy, hire stooges and stage some scandals: plot the event; inform the club owners and pay them before the equipment damage is done (if there is any). Make the stooge attack you or boo you off the stage, get in a fight with them, have fun with it. Learn from the almighty Andy Kaufman.

Never headline if you're a beginner. Make friends with other similar bands and open for them. Otherwise you're likely to get little to none audience (excluding your friends and family). Try to get involved in festivals and battles of the bands. After a good show, get off stage, meet the fans and talk to them. Sign some autographs, let them take some pictures with you, make out with them; in two words: make the fans feel special. That's your guarantee that they're gonna come back next time you're playing. And they're definitely gonna spread the word. Another part of live performances are parties. You and your band buddies get invited to a party - what do you do? Treat it as a show! Rehearse what you have to say before going. Analyze possible situations that are gonna make you look cool. Play your music.

7. Album Production
Finally, once you've gained some momentum, it's time that you produce an album. Think of an overall concept, a theme for the whole album. Tune up and optimize all of your instruments. If they're not good enough, rent some better equipment. Produce at least one hit song, even if you have to compromise with your values - these are the risks you take to be successful. Finally, get someone to record and mix all of that for you, and you're ready to go.

That's my formula for success. Drop me a line if you find any flaws in it.