Goddammit, food is horrible these days... whatever I put in my mouth feels like poison. It's been one week since I stopped caring about meals. My body weight ain't really my issue, I just don't wanna feel like shit. No matter what I eat, no matter how healthy it is, my body ain't taking chances. Digestion problems, heartburn, headaches, nausea, sleepiness, insomnia, you name it. All of these motherfuckers would take turns FUCKING me in the ass. I used to be a champion eater in my teens. I could eat tons of food and ain't no shit was gonna happen... And before that, when I was a child, my granny used to forcefeed me. I was so skinny that the neighborhood kids would call me "the Auschwitz boy" (still better than my high-school nickname "The Shit"). I was also very energetic; I would always run, climb trees, play soccer, mess with old people, all that kid stuff. When there were no other kids outside, I'd play alone. And look at me now! I'm a wreck... I can't go anywhere on my own cuz I get too self-conscious. I'm stuck at home with no friends and I'm too lazy to exercise because I lack self-motivation.
I don't even feel like playing videogames! It costs money and shit! And it ain't even fun no more cuz the fuckers made games so engaging and competitive. There's always someone better than you who would love to beat your ass at your favorite games. And then you're thinking "I shouldn't feel bad, that guy is probably a fat slob covered in zits"... it turns out he's a hot guy with abs and a cool hairstyle. Then you try to fool yourself "Eh, I can still beat that guy in real life, he looks like a wuss". Wrong again! Turns out the motherfucker took Jiu-Jitsu classes and he'll whoop your ass in no time. I wish I was a champion eater once again. I'd get a comforting cottage pie and eat the shit out of it. No, wait! First I'm gonna pull out my dick and fuck it like there ain't tomorrow, pretending it's that gamer's girlfriend. Let me put on the Food channel first. Oh yes, being fat is comfortable. I wanna be that fat asshole who doesn't give a shit.
Dick: We are what we eat, Sparx!
Me: I no longer eat dicks for breakfast, but apparently you're still on the same diet.
Bitch, please. Anything that makes you feel good and energized is good for you. No matter how dangerous people say it might be, every person's health is unique, so if it works for you, fuck what your friends say. And don't worry about that BMI horse shit. Some people are actually healthier when they're "overweight", others feel perfect when they're "underweight". I hate doctors, don't ever trust those criminals cuz they'll fuck you up. Be your own doctor; you know best what works for you. See, this is the kind of thinking that destroyed my teeth. This is an old article and it's full of self-justifications for destructive behavior. Be careful what you eat. Don't take my stupid advice, or you'll end up like me - I can't even chew hard food.
