"Eh, don't mind Spratz, he's just that creepy foreign guy on the internet".
Oh yeah? I bet I'm more American than you, motherfucker. But that's not even the point. Why would you even consider my nationality over my intellect? Just because I have a fucking accent you gotta discredit all I have to say. You fucking retard face, I hate you. And what's so creepy about me? I'm a tall European guy, handsome for a man. Shut up, I look NOTHING like an Arab! And if you say big noses ain't sexy, you're a fucking liar. My lips are juicier than those of Angelina Jolie, so don't act like you ain't gay for me, bitch. It's okay, I understand. My eyes are brown, big deal. Blue eyes came about because of random changes in the genes that affect eye color. Hence, blue-eyed people are mutants, and they're actually less healthy than awesome people like me. Who's the weirdo now?
I'm so perfect... I don't get it! I enter the store and everybody's giving me the "you don't belong here" look. Even the fucking Indians. Am I really that different? I can't see it, man... all that negative attention, what causes it? I'm getting too self-conscious about that shit, and I'm no longer confident talking to people. I always use the self-checkout lane to avoid small talk. Sometimes I'm even nervous about talking to my friends on the phone. Cuz once you've been labeled, it's hard to get out of that curse. It's not me who's speaking, it's the foreign dude. It's the weird guy with the bird. You like him but not in THAT way, no way. That would be gross! He's goofy! Well so are Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and all these others gay guys you're so crazy about. All men are goofy, it's not just me, but the fact that I'm also foreign makes you think otherwise.
"If you don't like it here, quit bitching and go back to Shitland, Spratzaman!"
Shut up because you need me, asshole! The fact that you're still reading this proves me right. Take a look around - European faggots rule Hollywood. Without us, you'd be bored as fuck, so pray that I stay, motherfuckers. Cuz if I go away, you're gonna miss me and I ain't gonna miss you back. You like to laugh at my expense and I don't mind that, but you gotta pay for it somehow. Treat me with respect, that's all I'm asking for. I'm a person, stop treating me like an alien.
